Alright, so she's married, but is she happily married?

Sept 14, 2012
Best Things I Heard In The Hallways Today- Edition 7

"You don’t even know bro, I’m in high demand at our complex. Plus 9 out of 10 dentists recommend me… and the other one is addicted to nitrous, so we can’t really trust him anyway."

(kid doing pushups and chanting every time he comes up) I will not hit on my roommate’s little sister, (down and back up) or big sister, (down and back up) or mom (repeat)

The Fast and the Clueless

Sept 12, 2012
Best Things I Heard In The Hallways Today- Edition 6

Bro 1 - “I like to live my life a quarter mile at a time.”
Bro 2 -  “Sure thing Vin, you drive like a ’94 Honda.”
Bro 1 - “ Whatevs man, not all our parents buy them a car.”
Bro 2  - “No, that’s not the point, I… you… do you even get the quarter mile reference.”
Bro 1 - “ Yeah, it’s cause running the mile sucks, nobody wants to run that far.”
Bro 2 -  “dude, you’re a lost cause.”

"OH MY ***, THAT’S NOT THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY, IT’S JUST SOME BUZZ PHRASE SOMEONE SAID ONCE. LOOK IT UP, YOU WONT FIND THAT IN WEBSTERS OR MERRIAM OR WHAT’S ITS F***." (Author’s Note, heavily, Heavily edited)

Tasmania... Australia... Hugh Jackman... Wolverine. Three degrees of separation

Sept 10, 2012
Best Things I Heard In The Hallways Today- Edition 5

Bro 1- “No way, wolverines only exist in X-men or Looney Toons.”
Bro 2- “Okay two things, Wolverines are real, we just walked by a stuffed one down the hall. Second, that’s a Tasmanian Devil in Loony Toons, and they’re also real.”
Bro 1- “no way, do they really like, spin and  stuff?”

Girl 1 – “So in his book it said his testicle was swollen to like the size of an orange and…”
Girl 2- “Oh, an orange sounds so good right now.”
Girl 1 - *blank stare

On the bright side, if you get it then you can smoke weed in California

Sept 7, 2012

Best Things I Heard In The Hallways Today- Edition 4
(I'm working on a new acronymn, DARPA churns them out all the time, it can't be that hard)

Bro 1- “High five for breast cancer” *raises hand
Me- *high five, “wait, are we high fiving for cancer, or for cancer awareness?”
Bro 1- yeah, right on man
Me- ….?? *hand-sanitizer

(Girl's haven't been getting much love in these, I'm almost positive it's not because they say less stupid things, but mostly because they don't talk so loud)

Girl 1- *singing Toto’s Africa
Girl 2- did you just say “I guess it rains down in Africa?”
Girl 1- yeah, those are the words, aren’t they?
Girl 2- I’m pretty sure it’s “I kiss the rains down in Africa.”
Girl 1- You can’t kiss rains, that doesn’t make any sense.
Girl 2- Yes you can, Taylor Swift sings about it in half her songs.
Girl 1- That’s kissing in the rain, not the same thing.
Girl 2- I love Taylor Swift.
Girl 1- Me too!!
(Author’s Note, they’re both wrong, “I bless the rains down in Africa”)

I heard he like, biked to the moon or something like that

Sept 6, 2012

BTHIHT- Night School Edition- UVU becomes a different monster after dark, like werewolves, or Conan O. Brian. I am in the halls for much less time, but the decrease in time is offset by the increase in "interesting people".

Bro 1- “dude did you hear, Neil Armstrong was like doping or something and totally died.”
Person of Average Intelligence- “I’m pretty sure you mixed up a few different stories there champ.”

(really hipster looking chick) I believe it was Betty Ford who said “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” (Author’s Note, it wasn’t)

Dude 1- As your bro, I support you, but I’m obligated to tell you that she is a soft 6, at best.
Dude 2- Yeeeeaah, I know, but do I look like I am in any position to be picky? (Author’s Note, he didn’t)

Hi, you've reached Jimmy, if you can dream it, you can do it!

Sept 5, 2012

Best Things Heard in the Hallways Today Edition 3-

Bro 1- "I freakin hate girls, I'm just going to reproduce asexually."
Bro 2- "dude, that's the gayest thing you've ever said"
Bro 1- "no way, getting down with yourself isn't gay"
Bro 2- "it's totally gay, it's still dude-on-dude"
Bro 1 "....you're a freaking retard."

"I didn't want to get sack-tapped again so i walked around barefoot all day with both my flipflops down the front of my pants, totally worth it."

Did you smoke this? Cause this is just oregano.

Aug 31, 2012

Best things heard in the hallways today- Edition 2

Bro #1- "The first time I tried sushi it was too salty, but now I'm addcited"
Bro #2- "Dude, that's exactly how it was with me and marijuana"

"If I had a nickel for everytime some bum asked me if I had any spare change, I would still lie and not give it to them"

The Greendale Human Beings

Aug 29, 2012

Best things heard in the hallways today- Edition 1

"We're human beings, not dictionaries dammit"

"She totally made out with me with her eyes"

"Dude, that class just blew my f@#$ing mind. I always thought a ratio was like the money they used in Spain or something like that"

Intro to Primitive Culture

         I attend UVU. I hope that nobody misunderstands, I love my school, and it is infinitely times better than the one down the street. Even with that though, an open enrollment policy is tragically terrible at keeping tragic and terrible people out. It's okay though, without them I think we'd have to close the Communications major due to lack of attendance.

          I'll be the first to admit that at times I can get excited and talk much too loud, which makes me wonder what gems I have produced for those around me without even noticing. I decided that I would return the favor for the general population of UVU. These are the things that I overhear while walking in the hallways, studying in a common area, waiting in line for the vending machine or drinking fountain or even in class. Yes, I know class is not a "hallway", but I refuse to let their comments slip through the cracks on a technicality. Due to the volatile nature of this work I can't guarantee postings, but I haven't struck out yet.